Hello to you reading this piece. I am Eduke a 24-year-old female Cameroonian graduate. I am in a state of confusion, for certain, not alone. My confusion doesn’t stem from the fact that society has to make choices for me but that nothing the girl does seems correct to society. 

Society tends to  judge me without questioning what she has gone through. I am sharing this story with you because almost all the ladies of my age face it too. Some at early and others at the older stage.

What then is confusing me?

Do I accept that young guy’s love relationship proposal, we work together, grow and settle down or do I go in for the rich old man, settle down with him, enjoy the money and live happily ever after?  Whichever decision finally make; society always judges.

Dilemma of a 21st century Cameroonian girl is a story that seeks to address the confusion youngest girls and ladies go through today because of their choices and society’s judgment. This exists and I wish to put it how it happens.

Let me share some experiences with you.

Dione is a 21 year old Cameroonian girl, she lives in Cameroon and works with a small microfinance agency with a monthly salary of 70k. She has herself, 2 siblings and her parents to take care of. She lives in a one room accommodation in Bonduma worth 30k per month. Her feeding and transportation fare costs at least 40k a month. Meanwhile one of her younger sisters is living with her. This implies all her 70k salary is used for bills only.

Dione has had several relationships proposals from different men of all classes, however she is in a relationship with a not so rich young man of 28 years old. He earns a salary of 100k monthly. He has no car, child, wife and lives in a one-bedroom apartment with a rent of 40k monthly. 

Dione is comfortable in the relationship but her family and society won’t let her be.  Mama is on her neck to give her a grandchild while daddy wants her to get married to any man of her dreams. Mama’s daily calls are a constant reminder of a wish for a grand son or daughter not really caring if she has the means to take care of them. 

Friends on the other hand feel Dione is a failure because she doesn’t have a boyfriend who can buy a car for her or himself. While others are taking their girlfriends to fancy restaurants and giving them huge sums of money for shopping and upkeep, Dione’s darling can afford just money for home-made food and dresses once in a while.

Dione’s friends mock her for being so dull in choosing her quality of men. It gets to a point where she can’t sit with them and mention her boyfriend. She then decides to change her choice. She wants to quit the relationship with this caring guy who is so much concerned about her success and growth to go for this other one who has been asking her out for a while.

Finally, Dione breaks up with her boyfriend and goes into another relationship with a rich but single 45-year-old man and a father of 4 kids. With him, her bills and herself are well taken care of and she is treated like a queen. Her shopping is on a monthly basis; allowance is 20k per month.

At this juncture, her friends are so happy she has finally met a man who is well-to-do and can take care of her needs. However, family refuses to recognize the relationship reason being the man is too old for her. Her dad cannot withstand the mention of his name nor his presence. Though not comfortable to be with the man during public outings, Dione is enjoying her relationship because he makes her happy.

Societal critics, social media influencers and social authorities are judging and condemning Dione on grounds that she is a prostitute, that she is dating a man who is old enough to be her father. To them, she should have persevered the hardship with her former boyfriend and plan a life together.

Finally, eerr, what should Dione do? 

If she dates a poor boy, people will judge and call her dumb, remind her that her mates are driving big cars bought for them by their boyfriends, living in mansions rented by their men and running businesses sponsored by their men.  On the other hand, if she dates a rich man, the same people will say she is a prostitute, she dates only old/married men, she is too materialistic, she doesn’t love to suffer, persevere the hardship and build a home with a young man she loves. “Las las eeerr, we all go be ok.”

 Lessons

Life has a lot to teach us. We learn from our past mistakes and correct the future.

1. Go in for what works for you and makes you happy.

Most of our sisters have suffered from heartbreaks cause by young boys with whom thy thought they could build life with. When they see someone who makes them happy, they fall easily and enjoy what life brings. If the old one works best for you, good and fine, go in for that one. If you can persevere the hardship with the young man, sit and plan a home together. Do not let society, peer pressure, family influence your happiness. You may die of depression.

2. Remember, whatever you do or say, don’t forget every hustler has a pay day.

I have learnt a lot from that. Do not minimize any man who is working hard every day. Everyone has that life changing email or call. We just need to be patient to let that manifest. If you keep a positive mind, you will see this manifest.

3. Girls have the right to the choices.

It is very ok for a girl to choose the kind of man she wants in her life. The only problem lies on whether the kind of man exists. Some of our sisters want tall, muscular, rich, cute, caring and friendly guys. Its ok to want that but does that kind of human being exist? If yes, then go search for him. Society should not see girls who have set their standards as being egocentric or materialistic.

4. Women have the right to be whatever they want without being judged.

It is common place for a group of boys to see a beautiful and intelligent lady drive pass and call her a prostitute, insinuating that the car, job or wealth she owns must have been given to her by many men. Come on, can’t we work for our own money? We have women who toil every day in the sun or offices to put bread on their tables and give themselves the life they want and some narrow-minded people will be thinking she got all those from men. Damn!

Hey sister, let us know your experience in the comments section. Don’t forget to share with another brother or sister who needs to read this.

Happy Women’s day to all the ladies.

#EdukesInk tells the story the way it happens

Author

Hi, I am Eduke. I am a village girl. I'll love to share my journey with you hoping you share yours too with me.

9 Comments

  1. Akem Redeem Reply

    People should stop focusing on wat people want for them and focus on wat makes them tick. Cuz wen it’s gonna rain and pour they’ll be left to themselves.
    Plus I always talk about self love and self worth. You cannot offer wat you don’t have. Why not hustle and make your own money. To afford the luxurious of things rather than always depend on a man to take care of you.
    At the end of the day, neither your parents nor selfish ass friends will stay with you in that marriage or relationship.

    Then if your friends cannot support and motivate to be the best version of yourself then dump every single one of them. They really not worth the trouble.

    • Where is the lie in this Redeem thank you!!!
      Men have it hard on them too, women should start understanding these things. You want luxury work for it. I hope if those same friends tell her to put her fingers in fire she will, since she believes in them more than she believes in herself.

  2. At the end of the day, I think the problem stems from the reason behind the dating.
    If Dione is looking for whom to pay her bills, she knows what to do.

    If what she needs is a relationship where she would contribute to its growth, she knows what to do.

    But also, she should have tried doubling her hustle to get her bills cartered for than pour it on a 28yrs old trying to make a life for himself too.

    • Can’t we just have it all in one package? The old man is more marture and understanding. The rich young guy’s blood is still too hot.

      He may not even settle down with you after all the efforts you have put in

      • Oh yes . i totally agree with you. After struggling with d poor guy and putting in so much in d relationship mist of them end up leaving you for someone else. I will go with what works for me right now… Not hope for a future which might never come.

  3. Why not see the effort as personal development too?

    What if the lady leaves first like the case of Dione!
    That 45years old she is running after, another woman took the pains of taming him, she should tame has too even if the don’t end up together, atleast it will be her contribution to humanity hahaha

  4. Might be she tried living standard in de country now is at it lowest point
    She didn’t force de guy to take care of her
    Some times when pple are in love de become blind de guy didn’t noticed when he was spending he needs not complain now
    Life is hard and a 28 is not a young man dat a guy who suppose to take care of a woman and show his responsibilities

  5. Just like Buma already mentioned above, the problem lies around the reason Dione wanted a man.

    I honestly don’t understand why it always have to be about a man footing the bill for the girl and that’s the basis on which a relationship should be built. So you get to see that this singular notion distorts every functional aspect of the future relationship, thus the reason for judgement either from Diones friends or family members.

    Let’s map it down to starting a relationship and being independent. Not expecting material benefits but for the love of a relationship and a strong futuristic tendency. Because judging from Diones story, there’s not future plan. Just the “now” and it’s to satisfy one of two parties; her friends or family members.

  6. Pingback: Title First "Chattere"-First boy to ask me for a love Relationship Title - Eduke's Ink

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