My friend I di tell you this story so I di feel as to cry, If I member tin wey my papa do my Mami ei dey like say make I take knife kill my papa. Gender-based violence in African Homes is real ya.
Gender-based violence in African homes is real. This story highlights the personal experience told by an African child. She feels so hurt by her parents’ practice of violence at home. Read more of our African personal experience stories here.
“Hello Edukesink.com, I will love for you to talk about gender-based violence in African homes. The trauma I have lived with these past years may send me to my early grave. I need to say this to someone though I prefer anonymity.”
The degrading violent incident
So, Ebote is a 21-year-old lady from Eyandong, this is her story…
“I don’t know if should regret being their daughter. The trauma mama and papa have caused me is scaring me from thinking of marriage. I feel like my husband will beat me the same way papa beat mama.
It was on a Friday, I was in primary school. I had gone to school with my younger and elder siblings. News of mama and papa’s fight at home met us in school fast like it was transmitted via telephone. But telephones were not common then.
Anyways, it wasn’t the first time we were hearing they were fighting. After all, we were used to the embarrassment. The whole village and neighbouring ones knew our family because of our parents’ fights. The stigma was too degrading. I know when we passed anywhere, they would turn and say behind us “Na the pikin them for that man and woman wey them like for fight.” The only thing that got us worried was the aftermath of their fight. We didn’t wish anyone of the wounded.
The situation I met at the house
Immediately the news of their fight reached my ears, I packed my books and sneaked out of class. yea, those are some of the distractions gender-based violence causes-I knew I would not concentrate again after the hearing the news. My flying home was not to confirm the fight but to join mama in crying and make sure she wasn’t injured as usual. At least, I didn’t want to be entirely in darkness.
As I rushed home, everyone noticed the fear on my face. My blue gown (primary school uniform) was almost reaching my thighs as the wind blew it while I ran quickly home.
The scene I met at home was heartbreaking and shocking. Mama was pointing a gun at papa but I noticed she wasn’t walking straights. One of her ribs was seriously wounded and her eyes were swollen. Also, blood was oozing out from her left side and her eyes. I couldn’t help but cry hard. One of them will kill the partner someday if this was not solved.
To think I almost did not recognise mama was terrible. Was that the woman who gave me food that morning before I went to school? Tears rolled down my right cheek countless times. catarrh followed and I soon developed a headache. My spirit was weak. I went closer to her quarrelling and hurt self, held her by her waist and begged her to put the gun down. Globally, as many as 38% of murders of women are committed by an intimate partner.
But what could have caused this fight? The usual was not always as severe as this. Papa too looked very angry with all his clothes torn.
Some Causes of Gender-Based Violence in African Homes.
35% of women worldwide have experienced either physical and/or sexual intimate partner violence or non-partner sexual violence. 90% of married couples in my village fight at least once every month.
Papa and Mama quarrelled and fought many times with each fight having its cause. It seems the reason this time was too valid.
The statement, “Men are polygamous in nature” has been reechoed to me several times and from the look of things, mama caught daddy with another woman that day. That sparked the fight. I confirmed it when I spoke to her in the evening when she was calm. “Ya papa no even fear my eye, ei carry different woman bring am for this house…Ei be fit say I no go know say na ei njumba…” From every indication, Mama was angry because Papa has disrespected her by bringing another woman to the house and when she tried to confront him, he started beating her.
Another reason why they fought was that mama always asked papa money and he always did not give. There was never a time papa agreed he had money, not even when he had sold his farm produce. There were times we went without basic needs-soap magi, body lotion etc at home. When Mama asked money, papa will refuse he has money, they will start quarrelling and that will result in a fight. I understand there were times he had no money but not when we toiled in the farms to work and when money comes, he refuses to take care of our needs.
3. Associating with peers who condone violence
Moreover, Mama and Papa fought because Papa had many friends who also beat their wives. I remember Ndoh explaining to me how her father used to beat her mother. Her father and papa were best friends. I am sure they always sat and discussed how they were going to beat our mothers. To them, the act of inflicting pain on our mothers was the best way to resolve their conflicts.
4. Male control of wealth and decision-making in the family
After we sold all the produce from the farm, papa was the only person keeping the money. He was the only one who knew what happened to it and how it was to be shared. At times, mama won’t even get some to buy herself some body lotion or maggie for the house.
All these and many more always sparked up violent conversations which led to fights. Even some things we thought could never make adults fight made them torture each other. however, papa was always on the winning side because he would beat mama until she sustains wounds. Get to know more about the causes of Gender-Based Violence (GBV) here.
The way forward for Gender-based violence in African homes
This section is empty because we will love for you to propose solutions to Gender-based violence in African homes.
Gender-based violence (GBV) or violence against women and girls (VAWG), is a global pandemic that affects 1 in 3 women in their lifetime. Most of our African children have experienced GBV in their homes and this has affected them in some way. Tell us about your experience and what you learnt.
Tell us in the comments section if you will love to read about the consequences of the story explained above.